sickness.

Wanna know something weird? It has been about a year and a half since I had the concussion and started getting really dizzy and the whole time, I have felt like I can't talk about it because I make if I talk about it I make it real. Like how people in Harry Potter can't mention Voldemorts name.

I can talk about it now and I don't feel a gut wrenching pain.

I'm going to tell you a secret, and I'm kinda almost hoping no one reads these blogs cos it is hard to write about.

This is no ordinary sickness for me. Maybe any one else could cope with feeling dizzy and nauseous a lot. I was really bad at the end of last year. If I went up the stairs I would feel nauseous and dizzy and have to lie down, just going up and down stairs!!!

I don't cope as well because as long as I could remember I have had this crippling fear of vomiting. I am a lot better than I used to be. At least I think I am. When I was eleven I couldn't even go into public toilets for fear that I would hear someone throwing up. It was completely irrational. I was petrified of seeing someone else throw up and if I did I would be hysterical and feel so afraid even for months afterwards.

So then you can understand why a problem that makes me dizzy and nauseous every time I go for a car ride or a long walk or put out the washing or walk up and down the stairs is a particular torture for me.

It is not just battling a sickness, but also battling a constant and I mean constant, never ending fear of it. At the same time I am at a loss to explain to people around me, my family why I find it so hard to just "push through and get on with my life."

I struggled like this really badly for about a year before I discovered I was making myself sick on tabelets.

since then I have been recovering but I still get dizzy a lot and struggle with carsickness a lot.
I have a long road to go.